Q: As soon as my husband enters me he cums in 2-3 strokes, and our sex finishes in a few seconds. Sometimes he cums without even entering me. So I'm not able to enjoy my sex life. Please suggest any medicine or treatment for my husband, so that we can enjoy our sex life.
Premature ejaculation is a surprisingly common problem. Although most men only experience PE once in a while, some unlucky guys (and it sounds like your husband is unfortunately one of them) have a chronic, ongoing problem with PE.
There are a few commonly recommended work-arounds, and the hope with all of them is that the man will get used to not ejaculating so quickly, and be able to have normal sex without worry eventually. If he's had this problem for a long time, there's a good chance it will take a while to fix it (and if he's had this problem his whole life, there's a good chance he'd benefit from professional help).
First, I'll list some methods people use to try and delay ejaculation:
- The "Squeeze" Method: When your husband feels like he's really close to ejaculating, he tells you, and you quickly squeeze the end of his penis like so: Put your thumb on the bottom of the penis, just beneath the head, and wrap your other fingers around behind the top of the head. Squeeze your thumb against your other fingers, and hold it for a few seconds until your husband says he's not about to come any more. Then resume intercourse until he's about to orgasm again, and repeat the squeeze as necessary until you're both ready for him to cum.
- The Interruption Method: When your husband feels he's really close to ejaculating, he stops whatever he's doing and just sits still for a few seconds until he calms down a little. If, as you say, he sometimes orgasms before he even penetrates you, you may need to try something more serious (like the Squeeze) before the Interruption method will work.
- Heavy Condoms: An "extra strength" condom features thicker latex than normal condoms, which helps reduce sensation for the man. (Durex and Lifestyles both offer extra strength styles) If that isn't enough to slow him down, you can also try …
- Desensitizing Cream: Desensitizing creams are applied to the head of the penis shortly before sex, and then wiped off when the desired level of numbness is reached. By reducing the sensation felt in the most sensitive part of the man's penis, he can often delay ejaculation considerably. However, putting on too much of these gels or creams can either cause the man to lose his erection, or cause numbness in the woman. A good way to avoid that risk is to use Durex Performax condoms or Trojan Extended Pleasure condoms, which feature a special inner lubricant that help numb the penis slightly, without affecting the woman.
- Kegel Exercises: As I described in my post to the man who wanted to ejaculate longer, kegel exercises can also help premature ejaculators, by strengthening some of the muscles that control ejaculation, as well as giving the man more control over them. To do a kegel, you squeeze your pelvic muscles like you are trying to stop peeing. Since cum also exits through the urethra, being able to "close" your urethra at will allows a man to stop ejaculation also.
Next, I'll list some techniques that will help you enjoy sex with your husband even when he does suffer premature ejaculation. The really great thing about these tips is that they can also help solve the real problem, because PE is often related to anxiety about being able to perform sexually. If you can both learn to enjoy sex together without even worrying about when he orgasms, it can relieve his possible anxiety enough that it's not a problem in the first place!
- Use toys on yourself: If you can use a little vibrator on yourself, and have an orgasm during foreplay or very quickly after penetration, when your husband penetrates you, even if he comes almost immediately, you've already had an orgasm too.
- Try a cock ring: Cock rings fit snugly around the base of the penis and scrotum. They work by restricting the exiting blood flow of the penis, so a man can get an erection, but it's very hard to lose it. If your husband were able to maintain his erection after he ejaculates, then you could continue having sex long enough for you to have an orgasm also. Then, when you're both satisfied, he takes the cock ring off, and the erection goes away. (Be careful to get a cock ring that stretches, or one that adjusts with snaps, or has another adjustment method to tighten and remove it. Using a cock ring that's too small, and doesn't stretch enough to remove, can mean a trip to the hospital!)
- Don't always "have sex": If your husband can bring you to orgasm with oral sex, or toys, or you can use a vibrator during foreplay, you can both have orgasms without even trying to have him penetrate you. You could give each other oral sex, or he could use a toy on you while you give him a blow job, or he could masturbate himself while he watches you use a toy. The idea here is that you both have fun together, and you both get off, and he learns that orgasms and penetration are not always connected.
- Masturbate him first: If he has one orgasm, and then you fool around together until he can get a second erection, you can have regular sex the second time he gets up. Since he's already come once, he probably won't orgasm as quickly the second time, and since you've gotten a lot of extra foreplay, you'll be turned on enough that you should be able to come more quickly than usually. Hopefully, your orgasms meet somewhere in the middle. If he comes quickly the second time, you can always keep fooling around and see if the third time really is a charm!
The other common way of approaching premature ejaculation is through therapy. Finding a couples counselor who has experience dealing with premature ejaculation may help both of you. They'll be able to work with you to create exercises to do together to help your husband relax and last longer. The downside of professional therapy is that it's a lot more expensive than the other options here … so you might want to try some of them first, and consider counseling if nothing seems to be helping.