Aww honey. The first time a guy asked me to be on top, I was a skinny, skinny little thing, and I felt exactly the same way you do … what the hell do I do now?! I was sooo embarrassed. And then, god help me, after a couple minutes, he actually said I was boring him. So. That brings me to my first question: Did he do or say something rotten to make your night so horrible and embarrassing? Or was it one of those things where stuff doesn't go right and you're just embarrassed in your own mind? Because if he did something inconsiderate, he doesn't deserve the effort you're putting into this whole thing…

Now, if he didn't do anything rude, I've thankfully learned a few things since I was a skinny, embarassed girl—and I asked a couple friends for feedback too, from both the male and female perspective … because girl-on-top still isn't my fave position. ;-)

So, first off, keep this in mind: If he wants you to get on top, it's definitely partly because he likes looking at you. Never mind the movies and magazines, most guys like a woman with some curves! :-) So (even though I know it sounds impossible when you don't have much experience—and it sometimes is, even to skinny girls) try not to worry about how you look. He wants you up on top, remember? That means he wants to look at you! Also, try buying a sexy little teddy or babydoll to wear, if you're still worried about how you're going to look… it's amazing what a sexy little piece of lingerie can do for a girl's confidence.

Now, let's assume you're about to go ahead and give him his wish… If you enjoy giving blow jobs, kneel down between his legs and do that as soon as he rolls over on his back. He's gotta like that, and it gives you a chance to get him all hot and bothered before you have to take over the spotlight. ;-) Then, craaaaawl up his body, and rub his cock all over yourself on the way up. That'll keep him hot and bothered! Then, once you're up on top, tease him a little before you put him all the way inside. Grab his dick and rub it against yourself, or kneel just above him, and grab his hands and put them where you want them (or put them in a place you already know he likes to feel around), and make him wait for it a little.

Once you're actually into it, I've found it's really easy to get the guy to help you out. You don't have to just bounce and grind around while he lays there like a blow up doll. When girls do that, guys call them a "dead lay". Why let him get away with being a dead lay if you're not?! Grab his hands and hold them on your hips, and then grind into him a little … most guys will get the hint and start thrusting back. Then it's all just a matter of timing your bouncing, twisting or grinding to match his thrusting. Now he's doing at least half the work, and you don't feel like you're standing naked on stage while he watches!

After all that, if you're still not really comfortable, you can always switch things up a little. Instead of kneeling over him, you could try getting up on one foot and one knee, so you're kind of crouching (might be easier on the knees!). You could lean forward and kiss him for a minute, while you do some of that slow hip rolling you mentioned. Or, instead of him laying flat on his back the whole time, you could ask him to sit up too, so you're kind of sitting in his lap (if he crosses his legs, and you wrap your legs around behind his back, it can be seriously fantastic).

Most of all, try not to put so much pressure on yourself. Sometime when you're alone, try fantasizing about what being on top would be like if you were super confident and having a great time… then try doing some of the things you imagine. And I really hope some of this helps out!

Much thanks to Carnivalesq and Heiko for their assistance on this one!

The very first ever post on this site was about penis size … and for the most part, the same advice and information goes for vaginas too. There's no such thing as a "fat" or "molded" vagina, any more than a guy can make himself bigger by pulling harder when he jerks off. Different women come in different sizes, inside and out. Some girls have bigger vaginas than others, just like some guys have bigger penises than others. Also, if your boyfriend wants to have sex with you more than once a week, it's a good bet he's not bothered by the size of your vagina!

Best of all, vaginas have one MAJOR advantage over penises in the size department: We can improve our muscle tone with Kegel exercises, so our vaginas can squeeze down harder, and feel "tighter" while we're squeezing. (Another bonus of Kegels: Well-toned pelvic floor muscles make orgasms better for you too!) Also, your vagina actually changes during different times of the month! Most women tend to be wetter and looser while they're ovulating, and tighter (but with less lubrication) right after their period.

So, I have two pieces of advice for you: 1. Don't worry about it! You are the size you are, and if it doesn't bother your boyfriend during sex, why let it bother you? (BUT!!! If you ever DO have a boyfriend who complains about your size, just tell him it's not your fault he has a small penis and dump his ungrateful ass!) 2. Start doing Kegel exercises. Every woman benefits from keeping herself in shape, inside and out! Kegels are really simple to do, and you can do them any time, anywhere. To learn how to do them, try this next time you go pee: squeeze like you're trying to "hold it in", and see if you can stop the flow of urine. That's it!

If you have some money to spend, you could even buy a Kegel exercise toy like Fun Factory's SmartBalls. You put them in like a big tampon, and your muscles work to hold the balls in, auto-magically toning your PC (pelvic floor) muscles while you wear them! They make exercising your PC muscles a little more fun, but vaginal balls definitely aren't required to get the benefits of doing Kegels.

I can't help but wonder if your boyfriend fretted for days over how he was going to taste before he let you give him a blow job, Anonymous? ;-) I'm betting he probably didn't. And there's no reason for you to worry either!

Every woman tastes different, so there's not one "way" you're supposed to taste. Not to mention, if your boyfriend is turned on by the idea of going down, odds are he'll be turned on by the way you taste and smell down there too!

I'm sure eating lots of strawberries and drinking plenty of water probably influences your taste the same way it does for a man (yes, eating strawberries for a few days DOES make semen taste better!), but as long as you don't have any STIs or infections and you wash regularly, there shouldn't be any problem. You could skip the asparagus & cabbage that week, and hope it makes a difference, but I'm sure you'll be fine no matter what you eat as long as you're sensible enough to put on clean underwear every day. ;-)

Q: if a guy does not cum in your mouth while your giving him a blow job, could you still get an std*? ~Ashley

I put your question first, Ashley, because the answer is SO important. In a word, YES!!! Herpes can be transmitted any time the sufferer has an open herpes sore & you come in contact with it. ESPECIALLY with the delicate tissue on the inside of your mouth or vagina. Genital warts (HPV) can be transmitted by contact with the growths, even if they're too small to notice. Other STDs can be transmitted in the pre-ejaculate fluid (most often called precum) that leaks out of the end of his penis before he orgasms. My advice? Don't touch a penis if you know the guy has any kind of sexually transmitted disease or infection. And if you don't know whether or not he does, don't touch it without a condom.

Q: Hi, me and my girlfriend are pretty open minded about sex, and trying new things, now we both like oral sex a lot and we were wondering if my girlfriend swallow's my cum 2or3 times a day will there be something bad or unhealthy for her? And she likes to suck me for 30 minutes and sometimes even 1hour, is there a problem about that? And what if i make her cum (SQUIRT) because she squirts really good, i mean really a lot and she can do it a lot of times, could i swallow her squirt? Or is it unhealthy for me? And the same for her, she wants to try and swallow her own cum ~Denny

First off, RIGHT ON you two! Damn it's nice to hear from people really getting in to getting each other off like that! :-) And to answer all your questions really simply: No, there's nothing wrong, dangerous, potentially harmful, or in any way bad about any of that. Enjoy the hell out of each other, you lucky things!

Q: What if the guy your giving head to is ghard to please? like no matter what you do he wont let yuo know if he likes whats your doing than what should you do? ~baby-d

Q: okay so me && my bf are kind of in a new relationship…but we often have sex atleat once 2 twice a week. i often go down on him && dont get the favor in return…(not complaining)but even during sex && when i go down on him he makes no noises or face AT ALL! it kills me. it makes me feel like i am not doing a good job. && mentioning it to him he says…"thats just who i am." how can i change that?! ~LDC

It's hellishly frustrating when your partner won't react openly enough to let you know if they like what you're doing. Whether or not you can do anything to change it is questionable. If the guy is just uptight or insecure about his own sexual reactions, you might be able to get him to loosen up by making noises of your own while you go down, like saying "MMmmm" while his dick is in your mouth (which also causes a nice little vibration for him), or squirming around like you're really getting into it, or lifting your head once in a while to tell him how much you enjoy sucking him off.

But if that doesn't help, there are just some people who aren't that active or demonstrative while they're receiving pleasure. Which sucks, but there really isn't much you can do about it. Try not to let it bother you. If he keeps wanting you to give him blow jobs, chances are he's enjoying it.

Q: my bf cums in less then 3 mins after i give him head i dnt swallow i spit but he cums fast Does he like it? THE LAST TIME HE DID ME WAS 2 YEARS AGO WE JUST HAD A BABY BUT DAMN ~Juicy Lips

First off, if you're giving your man oral and he won't return the favor even though you really want him to, he's being a selfish shit. Second off, I'm pretty sure any time a guy comes after 3 minutes of something, he's pretty much gotta be enjoying whatever's going on during those three minutes.

Q: How do i give a wonderful blow job ~Anonymous

Check out my first blow-job post, 10 Tips for Great Fellatio, and if that doesn't give you enough ideas, just click on the Oral Sex link in the Categories list over on the right hand side of the page for more. And most of all: Have fun!

Well, if you don't want to use any tools or toys, I hope you don't consider lube (or hand lotion) a "tool" … Not being a boy myself, the consensus of the boys I do know is that your hand is the best option if you don't want to use anything else (unless you're flexible and/or well-endowed enough to give yourself a blow-job).

Some guys put on condoms, and use the gap between the mattress and box spring on their bed as a "partner", or between the couch cushions and couch frame, or lay on top of a pillow and use the gap between the pillow and the bed (the condom is pretty important to prevent chafing if you're using furniture), but compared to the good ol' hand job, I'd hardly call any of those options the "easiest way".

Sorry I don't have a more revolutionary answer for you, but if it ain't broke don't fix it, right?

Luna Beads are marketed as an exercise aid for toning your pelvic floor muscles; an alternative to doing kegel exercises, if you will. They're rather like a large set of ben wa balls, with a silicone harness to keep them in position for optimal effect. Optimal exercise effect, that is, because on the grand scale of things to induce sexual excitement, they really didn't do much for me.

Appearance/Construction: Luna Beads come in a downright elegant and sturdy black storage box. There are two pairs of semi-translucent balls, a pink pair and a blue pair, with a white silicone harness. The kit also comes with a classy little drawstring pouch to store your assembled set (perfect if you want to carry them with you). Everything about Luna Beads is definitely high quality, and aesthetically tasteful.

The hollow outer beads are made of PC-ABS plastic, with weighted rubberized balls inside each sphere. They fit, via molded ridges, into the durable silicone harness (awkwardly called a "composition girdle" in the user manual). One ball in each color coded set has a synthetic loop of string (the "retraction leash"), to facilitate removal.

Features & Usage: Each pair of colored ABS beads provide a different level of exercise. The light pink balls are 28 grams each, and the light blue balls are 37 grams apiece. Depending on the current fitness level of your pelvic floor muscles (PC muscles), you can wear one ball in the harness, wear both 28g balls, one of each set, or both 37g balls at once (at which point you can tell people you have blue balls … sorry, couldn't resist that one!).

According to the user manual (and I do suggest reading it … which is a rarity in the relatively self-explanatory world of sex toys) simply inserting one or two balls in the silicone harness, and wearing them for 30 minutes a day will auto-magically exercise your PC muscles the same way diligent kegels will.

Technique: Put simply, insert the assembled bead/harness set, and go on about your business.

The manual recommends starting with one or two of the lighter-weight balls at first, until your muscles get used to them. Personally, I didn't have any trouble wearing both of the heavier balls right from the start, but if you've given birth, your pelvic muscles might be in need of a little more strengthening than that.

Conclusion: Some women claim their Luna Beads make activities like climbing stairs or riding a stationary bicycle a whole new experience. Sadly, either because I have vaginal muscles of steel or I'm just an insensitive cow, I hardly noticed them most of the time. I wore them all day at work once, and didn't notice much of anything except an ocassional "shifting" sensation when the weighted balls moved around. But, if you consider them more of an exercise machine than a toy, I suppose that's all well and good.

Luna Beads would be more properly thought of as a "sexual health aid" than an actual sex toy. While (apparently) some women find them quite stimulating to wear, buying a set thinking you're going to have the long, slow orgasm of your life would probably be a mistake. However, if you keep meaning to do kegels regularly, but keep blowing it off like any other well-intentioned exercise regimen, they're an easy and relatively fun way to achieve the same effect.

If you're looking for a really exciting way to work your pelvic muscles, I'd suggest a remote control toy like the Cry Baby (an insertable bullet vibe with a remote control … just imagine the mischief you could get into with a willing accomplice!). However Luna Beads are intended primarily as a muscle-toning aid, not an orgasm machine, and the benefits of strong pelvic floor muscles are many and varied! Stronger sensation during orgasms, being able to provide greater stimulation to your male partner during penetration, and improved bladder control are just the benefits that spring to mind… so Luna Beads could well be a worthwhile investment, even if they don't make you weak at the knees!

Well, the short answer is that you can't. A woman who knows how her body responds when she's really having an orgasm should be able to do a good enough job of faking it to fool almost anyone.

Now, if you're really worried about it, the best thing you can do is not become the world's foremost orgasm investigator, hoping your amazing powers of perception prevent any possible deception on the part of your sex partners. For one thing, you'll be so busy trying to "read" her reactions, your performance will probably suffer as a result … making it even MORE likely that she resorts to faked ecstasy. For another, your enjoyment will suffer, because you'll be so paranoid about whether she's enjoying herself, you won't be able to relax and enjoy yourself either.

Some women may have an orgasm during foreplay, but not during intercourse. Some women may have orgasms during intercourse, but only in certain positions. Some women are quieter, some noisy. Some women may have smaller orgasms really easily, but rarely have a really earth-shaking one … some women may have multiple orgasms while they're in bed, some may rarely have one at all. And as if all that isn't confusing enough, even when a woman does have an orgasm, it won't always be the same as the last one.

The best thing you can do is either talk to her openly about it, or (assuming that would be awkward for you, and something you'd really rather not do), just concentrate on learning what she likes in bed, and then make sure you do more of it. Do you notice her reacting differently when you do different things during foreplay, and can you tell which things she likes best?

Pay attention to how she reacts to what you do … not with the intent of figuring out if she's faking it, but with the intent of figuring out what she really likes best. You may never find out whether she fakes orgasms or not, but you'll definitely become a better lover, and the more she enjoys herself the less likely she'd ever need or want to fake it to begin with!

Hmmm. See, this is one of those "you just know" kind of things … since you gave a female name, I'm going to assume you're not sure if you've ever had one. I would hazard to say if you're not sure, you very well may not have … but keeping that in mind, orgasms can feel very different depending on how you achieve them.

For instance, if you're masturbating using a vibrator on your clit, the orgasm will feel a lot different than if you're using something like a rabbit vibe which also gives you vaginal stimulation. (Sex toys are a great way to make masturbation both easier and a lot more fun!) And if you have an orgasm from someone performing oral sex on you, it's a lot different than if you have one during vaginal sex (fyi: a lot of women do need clitoral stimulation to orgasm during vaginal sex), and that is different still compared to an orgasm during anal sex.

It's hard to say how each individual woman is going to feel right before she has an orgasm, but there's a pretty much universal sign of when you are having one, or when you just have: Your pelvic muscles will contract repeatedly, without you making it happen. It's the same muscle contraction as a kegel exercise (try squeezing your muscles to make yourself stop peeing … that's exactly the muscles I'm talking about). Your heart rate also increases, and many women's nipples get hard … but since you're usually not taking your pulse or looking at your own nipples when it happens, that's not so helpful when you're trying to figure it out yourself. ;-)

One of the best ways for a woman to learn about her own orgasms is to give herself a lot of them, in a lot of different ways. Not only does your body "learn" to be responsive to a lot of different stimulation, but it can even help you orgasm easier during sex. A couple of good books that can help you learn new, fun, effective ways to masturbate are Getting Off: A Woman's Guide to Masturbation, and Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving.

Good luck and have fun! :-)

Premature ejaculation is a surprisingly common problem. Although most men only experience PE once in a while, some unlucky guys (and it sounds like your husband is unfortunately one of them) have a chronic, ongoing problem with PE.

There are a few commonly recommended work-arounds, and the hope with all of them is that the man will get used to not ejaculating so quickly, and be able to have normal sex without worry eventually. If he's had this problem for a long time, there's a good chance it will take a while to fix it (and if he's had this problem his whole life, there's a good chance he'd benefit from professional help).

First, I'll list some methods people use to try and delay ejaculation:

• The "Squeeze" Method: When your husband feels like he's really close to ejaculating, he tells you, and you quickly squeeze the end of his penis like so: Put your thumb on the bottom of the penis, just beneath the head, and wrap your other fingers around behind the top of the head. Squeeze your thumb against your other fingers, and hold it for a few seconds until your husband says he's not about to come any more. Then resume intercourse until he's about to orgasm again, and repeat the squeeze as necessary until you're both ready for him to cum.
• The Interruption Method: When your husband feels he's really close to ejaculating, he stops whatever he's doing and just sits still for a few seconds until he calms down a little. If, as you say, he sometimes orgasms before he even penetrates you, you may need to try something more serious (like the Squeeze) before the Interruption method will work.
• Heavy Condoms: An "extra strength" condom features thicker latex than normal condoms, which helps reduce sensation for the man. (Durex and Lifestyles both offer extra strength styles) If that isn't enough to slow him down, you can also try …
• Desensitizing Cream: Desensitizing creams are applied to the head of the penis shortly before sex, and then wiped off when the desired level of numbness is reached. By reducing the sensation felt in the most sensitive part of the man's penis, he can often delay ejaculation considerably. However, putting on too much of these gels or creams can either cause the man to lose his erection, or cause numbness in the woman. A good way to avoid that risk is to use Durex Performax condoms or Trojan Extended Pleasure condoms, which feature a special inner lubricant that help numb the penis slightly, without affecting the woman.
• Kegel Exercises: As I described in my post to the man who wanted to ejaculate longer, kegel exercises can also help premature ejaculators, by strengthening some of the muscles that control ejaculation, as well as giving the man more control over them. To do a kegel, you squeeze your pelvic muscles like you are trying to stop peeing. Since cum also exits through the urethra, being able to "close" your urethra at will allows a man to stop ejaculation also.

Next, I'll list some techniques that will help you enjoy sex with your husband even when he does suffer premature ejaculation. The really great thing about these tips is that they can also help solve the real problem, because PE is often related to anxiety about being able to perform sexually. If you can both learn to enjoy sex together without even worrying about when he orgasms, it can relieve his possible anxiety enough that it's not a problem in the first place!

• Use toys on yourself: If you can use a little vibrator on yourself, and have an orgasm during foreplay or very quickly after penetration, when your husband penetrates you, even if he comes almost immediately, you've already had an orgasm too.
• Try a cock ring: Cock rings fit snugly around the base of the penis and scrotum. They work by restricting the exiting blood flow of the penis, so a man can get an erection, but it's very hard to lose it. If your husband were able to maintain his erection after he ejaculates, then you could continue having sex long enough for you to have an orgasm also. Then, when you're both satisfied, he takes the cock ring off, and the erection goes away. (Be careful to get a cock ring that stretches, or one that adjusts with snaps, or has another adjustment method to tighten and remove it. Using a cock ring that's too small, and doesn't stretch enough to remove, can mean a trip to the hospital!)
• Don't always "have sex": If your husband can bring you to orgasm with oral sex, or toys, or you can use a vibrator during foreplay, you can both have orgasms without even trying to have him penetrate you. You could give each other oral sex, or he could use a toy on you while you give him a blow job, or he could masturbate himself while he watches you use a toy. The idea here is that you both have fun together, and you both get off, and he learns that orgasms and penetration are not always connected.
• Masturbate him first: If he has one orgasm, and then you fool around together until he can get a second erection, you can have regular sex the second time he gets up. Since he's already come once, he probably won't orgasm as quickly the second time, and since you've gotten a lot of extra foreplay, you'll be turned on enough that you should be able to come more quickly than usually. Hopefully, your orgasms meet somewhere in the middle. If he comes quickly the second time, you can always keep fooling around and see if the third time really is a charm!

The other common way of approaching premature ejaculation is through therapy. Finding a couples counselor who has experience dealing with premature ejaculation may help both of you. They'll be able to work with you to create exercises to do together to help your husband relax and last longer. The downside of professional therapy is that it's a lot more expensive than the other options here … so you might want to try some of them first, and consider counseling if nothing seems to be helping.

Well, first I wrote down all the standing positions I could think of, and then I went looking for other sources, to see if I missed anything. I was hoping there were more standing sex positions than I'd come up with, but human anatomy has its limitations, and it seems my imagination was equal or better than any of the reference sites I found.

I'm pretty sure any other positions would involve serious contortionism, but if you do come up with any others that work, please leave a comment on this post and share them!

Naturally, any of these positions that involve both parties standing (hands or feet) on the ground will have issues with your height relative to one another. No worries though … if you have a staircase handy, or a small footstool or step ladder, most height problems can be resolved pretty easily!

So, without further ado: Four standing sex positions, with variations:

1. "Evolved Dog" or, Rear-Entry Probably the most obvious and perhaps most common of the standing sex positions, this one has a lot of different names. I like "evolved dog," because it's just doggy style standing on two legs … *cymbal crash* … Anyhow, the idea is that the woman stands with her back to the man, bends over to some degree, and he enters her from behind. Also works great for anal penetration.

   Variations: Put one leg up on a stair step, or stool, or chair, to change the angle of penetration. Lean over a counter top or kitchen appliance … or whatever else is handy. Lean against the wall. Don't lean on anything, and have the rear partner hold your hips, then reach back and hold his wrists.

2. "Tango" or, Face-to-Face, supported The basic position here is a couple standing facing each other, the woman's arms around the man's shoulders/torso, with one of the woman's legs raised, to facilitate penetration. Great for couples who want to hug and kiss during sex … or listen to tango music.

   Variations: The man can stand in front of a chair or ladder, so the woman can support her leg by resting her foot on it. The man can lift the woman's leg for her, by hooking his arm under the crook of her knee (generally also resting his hand on her buttocks … or could be manually stimulating her anus). The woman could stand with her back to the wall, bend her leg sharply, and brace her foot on the wall. The woman could stand on a stair step or small platform, and wrap her leg behind the man's leg (since raising the leg wouldn't be necessary).

3. "Carrier" or, Face-to-Face, suspended This is probably the group of positions you were thinking of when you mentioned the fact your boyfriend could hold you up. The basic position is facing each other, with the woman's arms around the man's shoulders, and her legs around his waist. The man helps support the woman with his hands under her buttocks.

   Variations: Resting the woman's back against a wall can help support her weight. If the man stands in front of a wall, the woman can brace her feet on the wall to help with thrusting. The man can hook his elbows under the woman's knees to change the angle of penetration. If the man's arms start getting tired, he can move to where the woman can sit on a counter-top or table, while he remains standing. Flexible women might be able to rest their legs on their partner's shoulders, for maximum penetration depth.

4. "Wheelbarrow" or, some kind of fucked-up handstand Remember the "wheelbarrow" game when you were a kid? One kid had their hands on the ground, and the other kid picked up their legs at the knees, like wheelbarrow handles, and walked them around on their arms. Fast forward (quite) a few years, take off your clothes, and get the person holding up your legs to take a step or two further forward, and you have the Wheelbarrow standing sex position. Your arms are in push-up position, and your man stands behind you, holding you up by the hips, while you wrap your legs around his lower back. Sort of a modified standing position, since he's the only one on his feet, but there you go.

   Variations: The woman could rest her elbows on a bed, couch, etc. The man could kneel on the bed, with the woman on the floor in front of him. Both partners could move up onto the bed, with the man kneeling and the woman resting on her elbows, or laying on her chest. The woman could lay on her back, resting on her shoulders, on the bed, while the man stood next to the bed, holding up her hips.

Honorable Mention: Vertical 69 Just what it sounds like … the woman wraps her legs around the man's shoulders, and her arms around his hips. He holds her up by wrapping his arms around her waist. They perform oral sex on each other. Or at least they try to, for as long as the woman can hold on without blacking out or getting a serious headache.