Archive for the 'Sex 101' category

Girl On Top … what the hell do you do?!

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Q: So.. After a horrible, and embarrassing night with my new boyfriend, I come home to my laptop to solve my problems. I am a bigger girl, only have ever been with one guy.. Not very experienced. I love sex, but I am so damn insecure it's ridiculous. So tonight, the time comes when my boyfriend wants me to go on top. Now, again, I'm a bigger girl, and not much experience on top. So… now what? This is so embarrassing, but what do I do? I usually would just roll my hips or lift my self up and down, but it's always very slow. So what do I do? Bounce? Ugh.. big girl on top, bouncing… Cannot be very sexy. Help, please.

how to be good on top
Aww honey. The first time a guy asked me to be on top, I was a skinny, skinny little thing, and I felt exactly the same way you do … what the hell do I do now?! I was sooo embarrassed. And then, god help me, after a couple minutes, he actually said I was boring him. So. That brings me to my first question: Did he do or say something rotten to make your night so horrible and embarrassing? Or was it one of those things where stuff doesn't go right and you're just embarrassed in your own mind? Because if he did something inconsiderate, he doesn't deserve the effort you're putting into this whole thing…

Now, if he didn't do anything rude, I've thankfully learned a few things since I was a skinny, embarassed girl—and I asked a couple friends for feedback too, from both the male and female perspective … because girl-on-top still isn't my fave position. ;-)

So, first off, keep this in mind: If he wants you to get on top, it's definitely partly because he likes looking at you. Never mind the movies and magazines, most guys like a woman with some curves! :-) So (even though I know it sounds impossible when you don't have much experience—and it sometimes is, even to skinny girls) try not to worry about how you look. He wants you up on top, remember? That means he wants to look at you! Also, try buying a sexy little teddy or babydoll to wear, if you're still worried about how you're going to look… it's amazing what a sexy little piece of lingerie can do for a girl's confidence.

Now, let's assume you're about to go ahead and give him his wish… If you enjoy giving blow jobs, kneel down between his legs and do that as soon as he rolls over on his back. He's gotta like that, and it gives you a chance to get him all hot and bothered before you have to take over the spotlight. ;-) Then, craaaaawl up his body, and rub his cock all over yourself on the way up. That'll keep him hot and bothered! Then, once you're up on top, tease him a little before you put him all the way inside. Grab his dick and rub it against yourself, or kneel just above him, and grab his hands and put them where you want them (or put them in a place you already know he likes to feel around), and make him wait for it a little.

Once you're actually into it, I've found it's really easy to get the guy to help you out. You don't have to just bounce and grind around while he lays there like a blow up doll. When girls do that, guys call them a "dead lay". Why let him get away with being a dead lay if you're not?! Grab his hands and hold them on your hips, and then grind into him a little … most guys will get the hint and start thrusting back. Then it's all just a matter of timing your bouncing, twisting or grinding to match his thrusting. Now he's doing at least half the work, and you don't feel like you're standing naked on stage while he watches!

After all that, if you're still not really comfortable, you can always switch things up a little. Instead of kneeling over him, you could try getting up on one foot and one knee, so you're kind of crouching (might be easier on the knees!). You could lean forward and kiss him for a minute, while you do some of that slow hip rolling you mentioned. Or, instead of him laying flat on his back the whole time, you could ask him to sit up too, so you're kind of sitting in his lap (if he crosses his legs, and you wrap your legs around behind his back, it can be seriously fantastic).

Most of all, try not to put so much pressure on yourself. Sometime when you're alone, try fantasizing about what being on top would be like if you were super confident and having a great time… then try doing some of the things you imagine. And I really hope some of this helps out!

Much thanks to Carnivalesq and Heiko for their assistance on this one!

Shoes come in different sizes too…

Q: I've only ahd sex with one guy in my life before my current boyfriend and i feel like a giant hole when he inserts. He's not small at all but neither was the guy before him but it makes me very uncomfortable to have sex with him more than once a week because of that. But i guess my question is if vagina is molded? I know it stretches but it confuses me if it's only one guy before him? Can he tell the difference? Does it have to do with my age? Or my weight or if my vagina is fat in the first place. Could you please help me out here?

The very first ever post on this site was about penis size … and for the most part, the same advice and information goes for vaginas too. There's no such thing as a "fat" or "molded" vagina, any more than a guy can make himself bigger by pulling harder when he jerks off. Different women come in different sizes, inside and out. Some girls have bigger vaginas than others, just like some guys have bigger penises than others. Also, if your boyfriend wants to have sex with you more than once a week, it's a good bet he's not bothered by the size of your vagina!

Best of all, vaginas have one MAJOR advantage over penises in the size department: We can improve our muscle tone with Kegel exercises, so our vaginas can squeeze down harder, and feel "tighter" while we're squeezing. (Another bonus of Kegels: Well-toned pelvic floor muscles make orgasms better for you too!) Also, your vagina actually changes during different times of the month! Most women tend to be wetter and looser while they're ovulating, and tighter (but with less lubrication) right after their period.

So, I have two pieces of advice for you: 1. Don't worry about it! You are the size you are, and if it doesn't bother your boyfriend during sex, why let it bother you? (BUT!!! If you ever DO have a boyfriend who complains about your size, just tell him it's not your fault he has a small penis and dump his ungrateful ass!) 2. Start doing Kegel exercises. Every woman benefits from keeping herself in shape, inside and out! Kegels are really simple to do, and you can do them any time, anywhere. To learn how to do them, try this next time you go pee: squeeze like you're trying to "hold it in", and see if you can stop the flow of urine. That's it!

If you have some money to spend, you could even buy a Kegel exercise toy like Fun Factory's SmartBalls. You put them in like a big tampon, and your muscles work to hold the balls in, auto-magically toning your PC (pelvic floor) muscles while you wear them! They make exercising your PC muscles a little more fun, but vaginal balls definitely aren't required to get the benefits of doing Kegels.

How to taste good? Take a shower & relax.

Q: My boyfriend keeps hinting at giving me head (I'm female) but there r a few things I'm wary about.. such and smell and taste! I dont think i smell and I dont know how I'm supposed to taste but I dont want to taste bad and drive him off because I want this too :-) Is there any way to know what to look for as far as what he'll enjoy too? Or any way to change my taste naturally? (without gels or etc.) I've heard rumors that you can eat more of fruits and such that will make your "cum" (for lack of better words) taste better. I enjoy giving him head and I want it to be the same for him!!

woman eating a strawberry
I can't help but wonder if your boyfriend fretted for days over how he was going to taste before he let you give him a blow job, Anonymous? ;-) I'm betting he probably didn't. And there's no reason for you to worry either!

Every woman tastes different, so there's not one "way" you're supposed to taste. Not to mention, if your boyfriend is turned on by the idea of going down, odds are he'll be turned on by the way you taste and smell down there too!

I'm sure eating lots of strawberries and drinking plenty of water probably influences your taste the same way it does for a man (yes, eating strawberries for a few days DOES make semen taste better!), but as long as you don't have any STIs or infections and you wash regularly, there shouldn't be any problem. You could skip the asparagus & cabbage that week, and hope it makes a difference, but I'm sure you'll be fine no matter what you eat as long as you're sensible enough to put on clean underwear every day. ;-)

Another GINORMOUS Oral Sex Post

OK, we're going to do a little compilation post here, because while I was busy ignoring this poor website, over half the questions that piled up in the queue were about oral sex. Blow jobs, squirting girls, and so on… so in the interest of catching up on things in the most efficient way possible, here's Things You Can't Ask Mom's GINORMOUS Oral Sex Post:
oral sex information and advice

Q: if a guy does not cum in your mouth while your giving him a blow job, could you still get an std*? ~Ashley

I put your question first, Ashley, because the answer is SO important. In a word, YES!!! Herpes can be transmitted any time the sufferer has an open herpes sore & you come in contact with it. ESPECIALLY with the delicate tissue on the inside of your mouth or vagina. Genital warts (HPV) can be transmitted by contact with the growths, even if they're too small to notice. Other STDs can be transmitted in the pre-ejaculate fluid (most often called precum) that leaks out of the end of his penis before he orgasms. My advice? Don't touch a penis if you know the guy has any kind of sexually transmitted disease or infection. And if you don't know whether or not he does, don't touch it without a condom.

Q: Hi, me and my girlfriend are pretty open minded about sex, and trying new things, now we both like oral sex a lot and we were wondering if my girlfriend swallow's my cum 2or3 times a day will there be something bad or unhealthy for her? And she likes to suck me for 30 minutes and sometimes even 1hour, is there a problem about that? And what if i make her cum (SQUIRT) because she squirts really good, i mean really a lot and she can do it a lot of times, could i swallow her squirt? Or is it unhealthy for me? And the same for her, she wants to try and swallow her own cum ~Denny

First off, RIGHT ON you two! Damn it's nice to hear from people really getting in to getting each other off like that! :-) And to answer all your questions really simply: No, there's nothing wrong, dangerous, potentially harmful, or in any way bad about any of that. Enjoy the hell out of each other, you lucky things!

Q: What if the guy your giving head to is ghard to please? like no matter what you do he wont let yuo know if he likes whats your doing than what should you do? ~baby-d

Q: okay so me && my bf are kind of in a new relationship…but we often have sex atleat once 2 twice a week. i often go down on him && dont get the favor in return…(not complaining)but even during sex && when i go down on him he makes no noises or face AT ALL! it kills me. it makes me feel like i am not doing a good job. && mentioning it to him he says…"thats just who i am." how can i change that?! ~LDC

It's hellishly frustrating when your partner won't react openly enough to let you know if they like what you're doing. Whether or not you can do anything to change it is questionable. If the guy is just uptight or insecure about his own sexual reactions, you might be able to get him to loosen up by making noises of your own while you go down, like saying "MMmmm" while his dick is in your mouth (which also causes a nice little vibration for him), or squirming around like you're really getting into it, or lifting your head once in a while to tell him how much you enjoy sucking him off.

But if that doesn't help, there are just some people who aren't that active or demonstrative while they're receiving pleasure. Which sucks, but there really isn't much you can do about it. Try not to let it bother you. If he keeps wanting you to give him blow jobs, chances are he's enjoying it.

Q: my bf cums in less then 3 mins after i give him head i dnt swallow i spit but he cums fast Does he like it? THE LAST TIME HE DID ME WAS 2 YEARS AGO WE JUST HAD A BABY BUT DAMN ~Juicy Lips

First off, if you're giving your man oral and he won't return the favor even though you really want him to, he's being a selfish shit. Second off, I'm pretty sure any time a guy comes after 3 minutes of something, he's pretty much gotta be enjoying whatever's going on during those three minutes.

Q: How do i give a wonderful blow job ~Anonymous

Check out my first blow-job post, 10 Tips for Great Fellatio, and if that doesn't give you enough ideas, just click on the Oral Sex link in the Categories list over on the right hand side of the page for more. And most of all: Have fun!

Masturbation 101 for Men

Q: how do i do masturbating in the easiest way……..without using any tools or sex toys?………….am a boy……..

Well, if you don't want to use any tools or toys, I hope you don't consider lube (or hand lotion) a "tool" … Not being a boy myself, the consensus of the boys I do know is that your hand is the best option if you don't want to use anything else (unless you're flexible and/or well-endowed enough to give yourself a blow-job).

Some guys put on condoms, and use the gap between the mattress and box spring on their bed as a "partner", or between the couch cushions and couch frame, or lay on top of a pillow and use the gap between the pillow and the bed (the condom is pretty important to prevent chafing if you're using furniture), but compared to the good ol' hand job, I'd hardly call any of those options the "easiest way".

Sorry I don't have a more revolutionary answer for you, but if it ain't broke don't fix it, right?