Archive for the 'Miscellany' category

New at Things You Can't Ask Mom: Sex Toy Reviews!

Babeland All-Stars Sex Toys
Hello again everybody … I've been neglecting this poor site something awful, haven't I? But never fear, we're back in business again now, and with a whole new (and rather exciting, if you ask me) feature for you to enjoy: Sex Toy Reviews! was kind enough to invite Things You Can't Ask Mom to join their toy review crew, and I found two other women to help! So, in the coming months, yours truly, along with my sister and our friend the token blonde, will be reviewing the (hopefully) best of the best that Babeland has to offer.

It should be a good mix, between the three of us: I'm easily pleased, but not easily impressed … and I'm bizarrely analytical about everything, including sex toys, so I'll be writing the big, long, detailed reviews. The Sister is not easily pleased, so if a toy gets her off, you'll know it's a good'un. The Blonde is neither easily pleased, NOR easily impressed, and she has a history of breaking vibrators at a very intimidating rate. If there's anything weak about a toy, she'll definitely let you know!

SO! Without further ado, I'm off to post my first toy review …

Ingrown Hair: Prevention is worth a pound of cure

Q: Im a 22 year old female and although i dont have alot of hair "down there" i prefer to get rid of it. iv tried waxing epilating and shaving and even tho i exfoliate regularly regardless of the method i use i get huge red bumps and ingrown hair which i cant help but pick at. as a result my whole pubic area is full of scars and scabs. its gross! is there a solution to this?? thankyou!

There are a number of products out there especially designed to help with ingrown hair. One product I've heard especially highly recommended is Tend Skin. There's also a foam product designed especially for the bikini line, and some hydroxy acid pads that would help remove the skin blocking your hair follicles without the irritation of mechanical exfoliation.

But of course, the best way to deal with ingrown hair is to prevent it. You sound particularly prone to ingrown hair, so try to keep the following points in mind:

  • Don't use 'scrubbing' exfoliation when you have ingrown hair … that will just irritate your skin even more.
  • Start over. No matter how much it bugs you, try to let your hair grow out, and wait until all the ingrown hair and scabs have healed before you remove the hair again. Irritated, swollen hair follicles will just create more ingrown hairs if they don't get a chance to heal.
  • Wear looser clothing. If you wear a thong or small bikini underwear normally, switch to boyshorts, or even go commando for a while. Having your clothing rubbing against the skin all the time encourages ingrown hair.
  • Don't pick at ingrown hairs with your fingers … hold a warm compress (like a washcloth soaked in hot water) against your skin, until you can see the hair under your skin, and then carefully free the hair from the skin with tweezers. But don't pull the hair all the way out until the irritation heals.
  • Waxing can make you more prone to ingrown hair than shaving. Stick with shaving, and always use new, sharp razors.
  • Keep your skin moisturized. Dry, tough skin is more prone to ingrown hair.
  • Try using one of the products mentioned above when you do start shaving again, to prevent a recurrence of the problem.

Hope that helps! I've never had a major problem with ingrown hair in that area, but those are tips that have helped friends of mine who did.

Genital Piercing … where, why and other considerations

Q: With the variety of genital piercings, which piercings provide what stimulation for women and men, and to their partners.

prince albert piercing
Given the wide (and ever-increasing) variety of genital piercings available today, I'd have to be much more of an expert to give a detailed run-down on every single one. Instead, I've broken down popular genital piercings by general area, and given an overview of each category, followed by a link to more detailed information from one of the pioneers of body piercing in the US.

Female Genital Piercings

Clitoral Hood Piercings
Perhaps the most popular female genital piercing, a clitoral hood piercing can potentially hugely increase orgasmic response and sexual enjoyment for the wearer (but do little-to-nothing for the partner). These piercings go through the thin hood of skin over the clitoris, NOT through the clitoris itself. Probably the most common clitoral hood piercing is the VCH or Vertical Clitoral Hood, where the jewelry lies vertically (if the woman is lying on her back) underneath the hood, resting along the top of the clitoris itself, and piercing through the skin of the clitoral hood just above where it joins the base of the clitoris.
Labia Piercings
These piercings are predominantly decorative, although if they are placed alongside the vaginal opening, they can provide some additional stimulation for a male partner. Either the inner or outer labia can be pierced on most women, but inner labia piercings are more common. Labia piercings also create the possibility for kinky D/s play, where a "master" can bind his/her partner's vaginal opening with small chains, locks or other devices.
Clit Piercings
An actual piercing through the clitoris itself is almost always a bad idea. Many women do not have a large enough clitoris to safely get it pierced, and most piercers are not experienced enough with genital piercing to safely attempt such a risky placement. I once met a woman who'd recently removed her clitoris piercing … a knot of scar tissue had formed as the piercing healed, and she found herself in excruciating pain any time she came close to reaching orgasm. Removing the jewelry had not solved the problem. Now, I do not care if that only happens to 1 in 10,000 women who get a clitoris piercing. That is just NOT worth the risk to me. No siree.
Other Female Genital Piercings
There is also the "fourchette" piercing, which goes through the skin just below the vaginal opening, and some women get piercings through their perineum (the skin between the genitals and the anus). Most other female genital piercings depend on the "pinchability" of the skin in the area being pierced. If the skin is easily pinched away from the body, a piercing is more viable than if not. The stimulation provided by other piercings just depends on the sensitivity of the skin for the wearer, and the placement in relation to the vaginal opening for a male partner.

Male Genital Piercings

Penile Glans (Head) Piercings
Easily the most popular male genital piercing is the Prince Albert, where the ring enters the urethra, and the piercing exits just at the base of the underside of the glans. Other glans piercings include the ampallang, which goes horizontally through the entire head, either through or just above the urethra, and the dydoe, which goes through the ridge of the corona (at the top edge of the glans). Most penile head piercings provide a lot of extra stimulation for a female partner (too much stimulation for some women), as well as providing stimulation for the man (varying depending on the piercing location).
Penile Shaft Piercings
Penile shaft piercings are almost all surface piercings (through the skin), without actually puncturing the body of the shaft. A frenum piercing goes through the pinchable skin just below the underside of the head, and is most often worn with either a short barbell or a large ring that encircles the entire shaft just behind the head. A lorum piercing is similar, only done through the pinchable skin at the base of the penis, above the scrotum. Some men get a full "ladder" of frenum piercings along the entire underside of their penis. Basically, a man can be pierced anywhere on the the penis where the skin can be easily pinched away from the shaft itself. Some men also have surgical stainless or titanium ball bearings implanted under the skin of the shaft. Most penile shaft piercings provide a lot of stimulation for the partner (imagine using a very bumpy dildo), and the amount of stimulation for the man depends on how sensitive the skin is at the location of each piercing.
Scrotum Piercings
Probably the most solely decorative of the male genital piercings, scrotum piercings can be done almost anywhere on the scrotum, but are most commonly done either down the center (as an extension of a frenum ladder, in some cases), or off to the side, above the testicles (often in multiples). These don't provide much stimulation for either partner, unless the man wants to hang weights off them.
Other Male Genital Piercings
Any other genital piercings for a man are dependent again on the pinchability of the skin at the spot to be pierced. The guiche, a piercing just behind the scrotum, is quite popular, and some men extend their frenum ladders down the entire shaft, around the scrotum, and across the perineum. Foreskin piercings are a popular option for non-circumcised men, and provide a lot of stimulation for both partners. Piercings anywhere other than the head and shaft of the penis provide little-to-no stimulation for a female partner, and for the man it depends on the sensitivity of the skin at the piercing location.

For more detailed information on specific piercings, risks and other considerations, Elayne Angel's website has wonderfully detailed info on most genital piercings, with diagrams and photos of many of them. Click here for female genital piercing info, or here for male genital piercings. Her site also offers some referral information if you're interested in getting a genital piercing and aren't sure where to go to find a reputable piercer.

Learn to Talk Dirty in Bed … it's fun!

Q: During sex I usually stay quiet as a mouse- but I love when my partner talks dirty to me. I'm a little shy and I don't know what to say can you teach me or give me some hints?

how to talk dirty
Believe it or not, I completely understand where you're coming from. (Yeah, even an online know-it-all can be a little shy in real life!) While I've rarely been accused of being "quiet as a mouse," it's only fairly recently that I've felt comfortable saying anything coherent during sex …

… so I'd basically recommend working up to it step by step. Start with whatever level of noise you're comfortable with, and slowly work your way up from there:

• If you're really uncomfortable making any noise in bed, try starting with a little moaning. An "oooh" when your partner does something you like, an "MMmMMMmmmm" here and there, and maybe an "oh, Oh, OH!" when you're getting close to orgasm. If even that embarrasses you in front of your partner at first, practice while you masturbate. It'll start feeling more natural the more often you try it.

• If "Oh" isn't a problem for you, it's only a small step from there to short sentences … like "Oh GOD" or "oh YES" or "Oh god YES don't STOP", all of which are usually received pretty well. ;-)

• From there, work your way up to throwing in a naughty word here and there, "Oh YES, fuck me HARDER" or something along those lines. Once you've gotten to that stage, you should be getting the hang of it. Don't feel obligated to use words you're genuinely uncomfortable with … just add a "dirty" touch to whatever you already enjoy saying.

• If you're comfortable doing a bit of role-playing with your boyfriend, you might also try having him ask you naughty questions, and prompt you to answer by talking dirty to him …

Him: "You want me to fuck you?"
You: "Yes …" *blush*
Him: "Yes, what?"
You: "Yes … I want you to fuck me." *bluuush*

(Yeah, it looks kind of lame in print … if that doesn't do it for you though, you can of course improvise with whatever words and phrases he uses that really do turn you on!)

Dirty talk can be incredibly fun to listen to and to say, once you start getting used to it. If you already have the inclination to try it, I'm sure you'll be doing great in no time!

Sex Dreams … who knows what they mean?!

Q: Why i have that current dream of having sex with differente people?

sex dreams
Ahh, yes. Sex dreams. There are the ones where you wish you hadn't woken up just quite when you did … and then there are the ones that wake you up a little panicked, wondering, "What in the HELL did I just dream of doing to HIM?! AAAAHHHHH!!!!"

As far as I know, nobody has figured out definitively how to tell what people's dreams mean, whether they're about sex or not. I've had dreams where a sex partner starts out looking like one person, then suddenly appears in another person's body halfway through, and ends up a completely different person again when we're laying in bed smoking afterward. If that's not "different people," I don't know what is! Other friends who've told me about dreams of theirs … well, suffice to say I didn't feel so weird anymore after hearing them. lol!

There doesn't seem to be much rhyme or reason to most people's sex dreams … Now, I'm not sure if you're saying you're having dreams about multiple people at once, or different people other than your current partner, but either way, I'm quite confident in saying there's nothing particularly abnormal about it. I'm also quite confident in saying I don't think anyone could tell you exactly why you dream what you do. Dreams rarely make much sense, and in my experience sex dreams often make the least sense of all!