Sex Advice: Things You Can't Ask Mom » Kinky Sex

One-way Open Relationships

Ms M. — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 04:42:16 +0000

Q: My partner and I have what you would call an open relationship, he sees and sleeps with others, while I am faithful to him. I wonder why I am ok with that scenario with him where as with others I was not.

Two thoughts immediately come to mind for me:

You're not that attached. If you're not that serious about the relationship, you might naturally not feel worried about what or who else he's doing. Not everyone is 'wired' to want to see more than one person though, so even if you weren't that serious, you might still feel more comfortable being monogamous yourself.
The relationship is really solid. Kind of the exact opposite of theory #1, if you feel really secure in the emotional stability of the relationship, you may not worry about who else he sees, because you're completely confident that he's coming home to you when he's done.

No matter what the reason though, as long as the two of you can communicate openly about your feelings regarding the open arrangement, and you're both happy with the situation as it is, there's no reason to worry!

Cunnilingus after he comes?

Ms M. — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 04:42:55 +0000

Is it wrong to orgasm inside my wife first before giving her cunnilingus. I would like to ask her to let me?

Is it wrong? Of course not! I'd hazard to guess that you don't think it's wrong for your wife to swallow when she gives you a blow job, right? So, if it's OK for her to get your semen in her mouth, why would it be wrong for you to get your own cum in your mouth?

The only possible problem here is if your wife isn't comfortable with the idea. Since I don't know her, I really can't say much to that question. Were I in your position, I'd probably just go ahead and go down on her after sex sometime, but the fact that you'd feel like you needed to ask does suggest that at least one of you is/might be uncomfortable about the idea, in which case it's always best to ask. (And I wish you the best of luck getting the answer you want!)

Too Short for Shower Sex? Get a boost!

Ms M. — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 01:43:02 +0000

can anyone tell me where I could get a waterproof box to stand on as we now have a fabulous wet room but can't do anything really because my husbands 6ft3 and I'm only 5ft3 I don't think he could lift me and we're really puzzeled as where to get something?

Shower stools are available in a wide variety of styles and sizes, some with adjustable height, some not. Most of them are specifically designed to help physically impaired people safely use their showers, so they're designed to support (in most cases) 250-300lbs. Most have non-slip rubber feet, or suction cup feet, and wide, flat seats.

I'm betting one of those would work perfectly for you! And congrats on the wet room … all I have is a teeny stall shower right now. I'm totally jealous!

Threesomes: How does THAT work?

Ms M. — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 00:45:09 +0000

threesomes…how? it just doesn't make sense to me.

Goodness, I wish you'd been more specific! So, I'll assume you're asking how a threesome (or ménage à trois) works physically. Considering you can have three women, three men, two men and a woman or two women and a man, the positions possible in all four combinations are … well, very very numerous.

I'll just try to do a basic, vague rundown of different ways a threesome could work … let's assume that any same sex participants are either bi or gay, and that strap-ons and other toys are acceptable to everyone involved …

The participants can take turns having one-on-one sex, while the third person watches
If a woman is involved the other two participants can penetrate her simultaneously vaginally and anally (double penetration, or DP, is hugely popular in porn movies)
Person A can penetrate person B anally or vaginally, while person B performs oral sex on person C.
Person A can perform oral sex on person B, while person B performs oral sex on person C, and person C can perform oral sex on person A … is your head spinning yet?
All three people can give each other hand jobs.
Person A can penetrate person B while person B penetrates person C
Two people can simultaneously perform oral sex on the third person, while giving each other a hand job …

… and the list goes on. Really, the possibilities are probably only limited by your imagination and everyone's level of open-mindedness. If you're curious, and you're in a relationship, you could mention the idea to your partner and see if s/he might be interested in trying a threesome with you. If you're single, and interested, personal ads (both in newspapers and online) often feature ads from couples seeking a third partner.

Unfortunately, Adam & Eve discontinued Nina Hartleys "how to" videos about threesomes, which would be more entertaining for someone who's just curious, but not really intent on trying a ménage à troi. But if you're actually interested in trying a three-way, Amazon carries a couple of highly rated books on how to start, manage and enjoy three-partner sexual encounters. Threesomes: How to Fulfill Your Favorite Fantasy, which concentrates mostly on two woman/one man threesomes, and The Threesome Handbook: A Practical Guide to SLEEPING WITH THREE. Both books are written by people with experience with menage-a-trois sex and three-way relationships.

Cheating: Why it turns the "victim" on?

Ms M. — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 23:40:13 +0000

Q: I recently confirmed my suspicions about my live-in bf's infidelity after much investigation. When I approached him, he denied it completely. But after a few beers and alot of manipulation on my part he finally confessed. Now comes the weird part. Oddly enough I am not mad, mostly because there was no emotional connection between them just physical. but also I have been very turned on by the thought of it. I do love him very much, so why do I feel this way?

Why do you get turned on by the idea of your boyfriend cheating? I have no idea … I could try to analyze the situation, but I'm not a psychologist, so I really wouldn't be doing any good. What I can do is suggest things for you to do about it, and reassure you that it's not as unusual as you might think.

If hearing about it turns you on, maybe you could have an agreement that he can screw around if he tells you about it afterward (and if you're both interested, you could agree to do the same thing yourself).

If the idea of seeing it turns you on, maybe he could bring someone home and let you watch.

Most guys would jump at the chance to have a threesome with their girlfriend and another woman, so if that interests you, suggest it to him.

I have an ex who was really turned on by the idea of me sleeping with other men, and while it didn't work out so well in our case, it might be perfectly OK for you and your boyfriend to play around with this idea, as long as you're both interested and both aroused by it all.

The key to "open" relationships (where one or both partners "screws around" with the other's permission) is to have open communication about it too. He has to be ready to call it off, if it starts to bother you, and vice-versa. If you're both comfortable with the idea, the only major concern is that you both use protection when you're with other people, so you're not bringing home any surprises with your stories.

Straight guys want dick … well, some of them do.

Ms M. — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 02:33:39 +0000

Q: I have noticed in all personal sites on the internet that a majority of men are married or are seeking partners for receiving anal.These types are "real men", mostly blue collar workers and straight as you can get. My question is why are so many men turning to male sex while married and why do they prefer the subordinate role in anal sex?

As the inimitable Dan Savage says: "Straight guys like dick." Really. A lot of them do. Look at most mainstream porn, for instance: The woman is most often just an accessory to the cock. I'd bet if you counted the scenes of actual sex in most porno movies, you'd find that 90+% of them had some guy's dick as the centerpiece of the shot.

Also consider the amount of time guys spend playing with their own dicks … and the number of guys who have "secret" circle jerk or blowjob stories from childhood (If you doubt the frequency of homosexual activity among teens and young boys, check out Shere Hite's Hite Report on Male Sexuality some time!)

So, what does all that have to do with married men trying to find anal sex through online personal ads? Let's take this in two parts, since it was kind of a two part question:

Why men would want to take the subordinate position in anal sex:

One big consideration is the prostate gland. Women don't have one, but men do, and it feels really good to have your prostate stimulated. In fact, it feels so good that many men can orgasm through anal penetration alone, without even touching their penises (not to say a reach around wouldn't feel good too, I'm sure).
Prostitutes report that men who occupy positions of power in daily life often enjoy submission fantasies in the bedroom. If a man is the dominant partner in his marriage and/or work life, it might really turn him on to have someone else "put him in his place" sexually.
If a man enjoys having anal sex with his wife, he might be curious as to how it feels to be on the receiving end.
All in all, there's also the same reason a woman would allow a man to have anal sex with her: Receiving anal sex feels good, whether or not you have a prostate gland. There are a lot of nerve endings around the human anus, and if you're careful not to push things too quickly right at the beginning, it can feel really really fantastic to have all those nerve endings stimulated.

Why a married man would look outside his marriage to get anal sex:

A lot of men still have the whole "virgin/whore" issue with how they see woman. Some of these men might be horrified by the idea of "defiling" their virginal wives by asking them to do something as perverse as wearing a strap-on. (Sad, but true.)
There are closed-minded, homophobic, sexually repressed women in this world too, and some of these men might be married to them. Instead of risking their wives' ridicule, or having her think, "Oh my god, my husband is gay," finding another man for a few secret liasons might seem much much easier. (Sad, but true.)
Some of these men might be married to perfectly understanding, adventurous women who'd be happy to butt-fuck their hubbies, but the men themselves might be so freaked out by the idea of anal sex that they're afraid to say anything to a woman they actually care about, and would rather act out their "perverse" fantasies with some anonymous man they don't have to respect or talk to in the morning. (Sad, but true.)
Some of these men might be bisexual or actually gay … so even if their wives did wear a strap-on, it wouldn't be the same as having a big, manly pair of hands grabbing their hips while they got pumped. (Even sadder … for the wife and the husband.)

And of course, some of these men might just be in an adventurous, open relationship, where both partners are free to pursue whatever tickles their fancy, and there's no sneaking infidelity going on in the first place. All in all, the twists and turns of human sexual proclivities know no bounds … I'm sure at least one of the guys you're talking about has a story you or I could never even imagine.

Ain't it great?

Ball Sh#@ … or "Why would anyone do that to their testicles?!"

Ms M. — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 10:12:27 +0000

Q: A man's balls are very sensative to any pushing or pulling so what's the purpose of ball dividers, stretchers etc.?

First things first (for those readers not "in the know" about such toys): Ball stretchers are devices designed to fasten around the scrotum, above the testicles, forcing the testicles further away from the body. They range from relatively simple stretchy dividers to elaborate contraptions with weights hanging off them, padlocks, spikes and all sorts of other attachments and torments. Ball dividers are similar devices with a strap or other "divider" at the bottom end, which fastens between the testicles and separates them.

Now, "why in the hell would anyone want to do that to their poor balls" is probably the most common reaction upon a man's first sighting of either device. And it's a valid question, for the reasons you mention. Why would you want to, seemingly painfully, distort such a sensitive part of your body?

For starters, different people have different tolerance levels for physical sensation. One man might be reduced to fits of giggles by his partner attempting to stroke his testicles during oral sex … another man buys ball stretchers with lead weights hanging off them.

For people with a high tolerance for sensation, a "mild" ball stretcher likely won't even register as painful. During arousal, most folks become somewhat less sensitive to pain. If you've ever enjoyed having a partner dig their nails into your back during sex, and only the next day realized they'd left painful welts behind, you know exactly what I mean. At the time, it probably felt great!

The same effect, to a more extreme degree, is part of what lies behind all S/M play. During sexual arousal, many sensations that might otherwise register as pain just feel "really intense" (and often very good) instead. And some people actually do enjoy erotically inflicted pain as well.

For people who enjoy that sort of thing, ball stretchers and other such devices exist to cause extreme sensation in an already sensitive part of the body.