Archive for December, 2007

Going Down: 10 Cunnilingus Do's and Don'ts

Q: How do I give a woman oral sex? What do they like?

practice cunnilingus on your fingertips
There's never a truly universal answer to a question like that … as soon as I say "and they definitely DON'T like THIS", someone will pop up and beg to differ. However, there are a few general hints that will at least get you started on the right track. Then if you meet a woman who really wants you to bite her or something, feel free to get creative. ;-)

Do know your anatomy. The clitoris is what you're going for here. can show you the way if you're in doubt. However, do also keep in mind that not all women like direct clitoral stimulation. If your partner squirms away a little, or says "ouch" or anything, try a new angle … off to one side, or on the clitoral hood instead of the actual clitoris itself.

Don't act like a kid with an ice cream cone. Some full-contact licking is nice here and there, but the tip of your tongue is your real weapon of choice in this endeavor. Practice this on your own: try to flicker the tip of your tongue up and down rapidly against your fingertip, without losing contact. The longer you can keep going, the better.

Do shave first (unless you have a full beard). Sandpaper is not a woman's friend down there, and having to worry about whether or not you're giving her stubble burn while simultaneously paying attention to what your tongue is doing is just going to stack the cards against you from the start.

Don't use your teeth. Men ask the same thing of women … quid pro quo.

Do use your hands. The g-spot is not a myth. There is an area along the top of the vagina (if the woman is laying on her back), about halfway up the vaginal wall, that is a definite hot button for many women. Using a finger in a "come here" motion in that area can be quite the bonus maneuver for some women … other women find it a bit overwhelming, but might still quite enjoy 'straight' digital penetration.

Don't make faces or unpleasant noises. A lot of women are really concerned about how they smell or taste … and this is definitely the time to remember Mom's advice: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." This is probably the #1 reason some women are uncomfortable getting oral sex. If there is genuinely a problem in this department, during cunnilingus is definitely not the time to talk about it. (On the other hand, making comments about how good the woman smells or tastes is a definite Do!)

Do tease a bit. Start out slow and soft. You don't have to go straight for the clit right at the get-go. Build a little suspense by tickling the whole area with your tongue first. Get everything wet, and get her good and turned on. Then go for the jackpot.

Don't worry if she doesn't have an orgasm from cunnilingus. If you're new at it, or she's a little nervous about it, the big O probably won't happen. While meeting a man who can give you an orgasm orally is a truly wonderful thing, oral sex also a fantastic bit of foreplay (or a very very nice intermission!) even without the grand finale.

Do give her some control. Unless you're playing bondage games, letting your partner move around while you're going down benefits both of you. She knows where it feels best, so let her show you. Pay attention and you'll notice where she moves her legs and how the wiggles her hips, and you'll pick up some hints about her favorite angles and positions.

Don't be afraid to ask. The quickest way to learn what someone likes is to ask them. Hopefully, your female partner is open enough to tell you when she does or doesn't like something, so feel free to ask her if there's anything in particular she'd like you to do … although you can still learn a whole lot just by paying attention to the way she reacts to what you're doing, if one or both of you is too shy to discuss it.

As with anything, all women are different. Some like harder, more direct clitoral stimulation, some like a more gentle approach … some women would be happy if their partner did nothing but cunnilingus all the time, some women prefer it as a foreplay-only activity … some women orgasm easily via oral sex, some women will never come that way. Just experiment, pay attention, and practice, practice, practice!