Q: During sex I usually stay quiet as a mouse- but I love when my partner talks dirty to me. I’m a little shy and I don’t know what to say can you teach me or give me some hints?

Believe it or not, I completely understand where you’re coming from. (Yeah, even an online know-it-all can be a little shy in real life!) While I’ve rarely been accused of being “quiet as a mouse,” it’s only fairly recently that I’ve felt comfortable saying anything coherent during sex …

… so I’d basically recommend working up to it step by step. Start with whatever level of noise you’re comfortable with, and slowly work your way up from there:

• If you’re really uncomfortable making any noise in bed, try starting with a little moaning. An “oooh” when your partner does something you like, an “MMmMMMmmmm” here and there, and maybe an “oh, Oh, OH!” when you’re getting close to orgasm. If even that embarrasses you in front of your partner at first, practice while you masturbate. It’ll start feeling more natural the more often you try it.

• If “Oh” isn’t a problem for you, it’s only a small step from there to short sentences … like “Oh GOD” or “oh YES” or “Oh god YES don’t STOP”, all of which are usually received pretty well. ;-)

• From there, work your way up to throwing in a naughty word here and there, “Oh YES, fuck me HARDER” or something along those lines. Once you’ve gotten to that stage, you should be getting the hang of it. Don’t feel obligated to use words you’re genuinely uncomfortable with … just add a “dirty” touch to whatever you already enjoy saying.

• If you’re comfortable doing a bit of role-playing with your boyfriend, you might also try having him ask you naughty questions, and prompt you to answer by talking dirty to him …

Him: “You want me to fuck you?”
You: “Yes …” *blush*
Him: “Yes, what?”
You: “Yes … I want you to fuck me.” *bluuush*

(Yeah, it looks kind of lame in print … if that doesn’t do it for you though, you can of course improvise with whatever words and phrases he uses that really do turn you on!)

Dirty talk can be incredibly fun to listen to and to say, once you start getting used to it. If you already have the inclination to try it, I’m sure you’ll be doing great in no time!