Archive for November 19th, 2007

5 Tips for a Sexual “Novice”

Q: Before i was with my current girlfriend, I’d only had sex 4 times. Any pointers for overcoming a lack of experiance? (not nessicarally “tricks” but things to consider, or things to keep in mind)

sex ed 101
Hmm. Well, I’d say the most important thing is to pay attention to your partner. It’s pretty easy to get carried away with how things feel for you, and not always notice how she’s reacting to what you’re doing. While you may both still be having loads of fun, there’s no substitute for knowing what she really enjoys, and there’s no way to learn that without paying attention! Here’s a few ideas:

• What kind of noises does she make when she gets close to orgasm? (Or does she get really quiet?) Listen when you change positions and see which ones seem to excite her most. It might also be a question of tempo; does she prefer it when you speed up or slow down? (You don’t have to only do her most favorite things, but it’s always good to know what they are so you can use them at the right time!)

• Is she forward enough to just tell you what she likes? If so, count yourself lucky! If she blurts out something like “Oh god yes, don’t stop,” you can safely take that as a hint.

• Read, read, read! There may be no substitute for hands-on experience, but book learning has its place too. A straightforward, well-researched book like “Our Bodies, Ourselves” will teach you a lot of solid fundamentals about female anatomy and sexual response. As much as sex is a matter of personal preference, knowing where nerve endings are particularly concentrated and having a good idea of what a lot of other women have to say about their own sexual experiences will give you a good idea of new things to try, and a better understanding of how it all works.

• If you talk about sex (and you should!), pay attention to how she reacts to different topics. She might be shy about saying no, but you’ll definitely be able to tell if she’s lukewarm about something. Go with the things that really interest her, don’t push the things that don’t, and you’ll establish trust that may lead to more adventuresome activities in the future.

• Some women enjoy pornography or erotic literature, some don’t. If she’s open to that sort of thing, it’s a great way to explore new ideas that interest you both. Again, just pay attention to what interests her most, and what seems to leave her cold.

There are very few things in life more fun than having a sex partner who’s turned on by turning you on, and the more you can do to become that kind of partner for her, the more she’s likely to do to return the favor.