Archive for November 15th, 2007

5 Sexual Misconceptions About Women

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Q: What do you think are the biggest sexual misconceptions men have about women?

5 Sexual Misconceptions About Women
Ooh, that’s a tough one. I very much hate to frame any answer on this site according to “men” and “women” as general groups, because there is really no generalization you can make about either group that’s going to be accurate across the board, except perhaps “both men and women have a large concentration of nerve endings in their genital areas.” (Even an assertion as seemingly safe as “men have penises, women have vaginas” would raise some eyebrows in the transgender community.) That said, you asked, so I’ll try to come up with a somewhat useful answer, and I do love making lists, so here goes …

1. Men Who Don’t “Need” Directions … Some men I have met, who were numerically much more experienced than I was, had serious gaps in their understanding of women’s sexual anatomy. A major pointer: The clitoris is outside the woman’s vagina. Assuming you have no problem finding the vagina: If a woman is laying on her back, the clitoris is a rather obvious “bump” perhaps an inch above the vaginal opening. It is covered by a fold of skin, right where the inner labia join together. 3Dvulva.com has a nice diagram of the area.

2. Nice Girls Don’t [insert sex act here] … Give blow jobs? Have anal sex? Enjoy sex in general? This is not a solely male misconception … sadly, a lot of women believe they either won’t or shouldn’t enjoy certain things, without having given themselves a chance to even try them first. Often times politically-minded “socially aware” men and women are as much at risk of this one as more stereotypically repressed religious folks. However, I have plenty of “nice” female friends who very much enjoy all sorts of sex acts. It can’t hurt to ask, or suggest, something you’d like to try with your partner. (And if she leaves you for even suggesting it, well, perhaps she’s not really the girl for you?)

3. Women Need Someone to Take Charge in the Bedroom … Well sure, some of us like that. Some of us don’t. Some of us like that sometimes, and not other times. And some of us might like it very much, but only from men who don’t go around making ridiculous overly-dominant assumptions about it beforehand. Not every girl wants to be swept off her feet and carried to Prince Charming’s castle. Some of us would just as soon follow on our own horse, in case we decide we’d like to leave afterward. And we most assuredly do NOT “just need the right man to show us our place.”

4. Women are naturally monogamous … This assumption is often backed up by a pseudo-scientific speech about cavemen, and how men “need” to spread their genetic material as far and wide as possible, while a woman will naturally try to attract and “keep” one man who can support and protect her and her offspring. This is crap. I personally like to think of monogamy as being a variable, individual thing, rather like the popular conception of hetero- and homo-sexuality being two points at opposite ends of a continuum of sexual preference. There are people (both men and women) who are like swans: pair bonded until death do they part. There are people (both men and women) who are like bonobos: Anything goes with anyone you like, whenever, where-ever, whatever. There are people who like one partner at a time, but not for very long. And people who like multiple partners as a “bonus” sort of thing to enjoy with their primary partner … and so on, and so forth.

5. If You “Keep it Up” Long Enough She Will Come … No, she very well may not. A woman not having an orgasm does not necessarily mean you’re not big enough, or didn’t last long enough. It may very well mean you need to go up and revisit item #1 on this list, and develop your technique beyond “in and out and in and out” though… I once knew a woman who claimed to have dozens of orgasms every time she had sex. I thought perhaps she didn’t know what an orgasm was (or maybe that her boyfriend was Superman), until I talked to one of her former partners, who verified that she did indeed “seem like she had an orgasm every minute or so.” So yes, some women are lucky enough to be able to orgasm from their partner’s pelvic thrusting alone, but it’s generally not the norm. My advice? Skip the Viagra and get creative.

Sex Dreams … who knows what they mean?!

Q: Why i have that current dream of having sex with differente people?

sex dreams
Ahh, yes. Sex dreams. There are the ones where you wish you hadn’t woken up just quite when you did … and then there are the ones that wake you up a little panicked, wondering, “What in the HELL did I just dream of doing to HIM?! AAAAHHHHH!!!!”

As far as I know, nobody has figured out definitively how to tell what people’s dreams mean, whether they’re about sex or not. I’ve had dreams where a sex partner starts out looking like one person, then suddenly appears in another person’s body halfway through, and ends up a completely different person again when we’re laying in bed smoking afterward. If that’s not “different people,” I don’t know what is! Other friends who’ve told me about dreams of theirs … well, suffice to say I didn’t feel so weird anymore after hearing them. lol!

There doesn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason to most people’s sex dreams … Now, I’m not sure if you’re saying you’re having dreams about multiple people at once, or different people other than your current partner, but either way, I’m quite confident in saying there’s nothing particularly abnormal about it. I’m also quite confident in saying I don’t think anyone could tell you exactly why you dream what you do. Dreams rarely make much sense, and in my experience sex dreams often make the least sense of all!