Girl On Top … what the hell do you do?!

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Q: So.. After a horrible, and embarrassing night with my new boyfriend, I come home to my laptop to solve my problems. I am a bigger girl, only have ever been with one guy.. Not very experienced. I love sex, but I am so damn insecure it's ridiculous. So tonight, the time comes when my boyfriend wants me to go on top. Now, again, I'm a bigger girl, and not much experience on top. So… now what? This is so embarrassing, but what do I do? I usually would just roll my hips or lift my self up and down, but it's always very slow. So what do I do? Bounce? Ugh.. big girl on top, bouncing… Cannot be very sexy. Help, please.

how to be good on top
Aww honey. The first time a guy asked me to be on top, I was a skinny, skinny little thing, and I felt exactly the same way you do … what the hell do I do now?! I was sooo embarrassed. And then, god help me, after a couple minutes, he actually said I was boring him. So. That brings me to my first question: Did he do or say something rotten to make your night so horrible and embarrassing? Or was it one of those things where stuff doesn't go right and you're just embarrassed in your own mind? Because if he did something inconsiderate, he doesn't deserve the effort you're putting into this whole thing…

Now, if he didn't do anything rude, I've thankfully learned a few things since I was a skinny, embarassed girl—and I asked a couple friends for feedback too, from both the male and female perspective … because girl-on-top still isn't my fave position. ;-)

So, first off, keep this in mind: If he wants you to get on top, it's definitely partly because he likes looking at you. Never mind the movies and magazines, most guys like a woman with some curves! :-) So (even though I know it sounds impossible when you don't have much experience—and it sometimes is, even to skinny girls) try not to worry about how you look. He wants you up on top, remember? That means he wants to look at you! Also, try buying a sexy little teddy or babydoll to wear, if you're still worried about how you're going to look… it's amazing what a sexy little piece of lingerie can do for a girl's confidence.

Now, let's assume you're about to go ahead and give him his wish… If you enjoy giving blow jobs, kneel down between his legs and do that as soon as he rolls over on his back. He's gotta like that, and it gives you a chance to get him all hot and bothered before you have to take over the spotlight. ;-) Then, craaaaawl up his body, and rub his cock all over yourself on the way up. That'll keep him hot and bothered! Then, once you're up on top, tease him a little before you put him all the way inside. Grab his dick and rub it against yourself, or kneel just above him, and grab his hands and put them where you want them (or put them in a place you already know he likes to feel around), and make him wait for it a little.

Once you're actually into it, I've found it's really easy to get the guy to help you out. You don't have to just bounce and grind around while he lays there like a blow up doll. When girls do that, guys call them a "dead lay". Why let him get away with being a dead lay if you're not?! Grab his hands and hold them on your hips, and then grind into him a little … most guys will get the hint and start thrusting back. Then it's all just a matter of timing your bouncing, twisting or grinding to match his thrusting. Now he's doing at least half the work, and you don't feel like you're standing naked on stage while he watches!

After all that, if you're still not really comfortable, you can always switch things up a little. Instead of kneeling over him, you could try getting up on one foot and one knee, so you're kind of crouching (might be easier on the knees!). You could lean forward and kiss him for a minute, while you do some of that slow hip rolling you mentioned. Or, instead of him laying flat on his back the whole time, you could ask him to sit up too, so you're kind of sitting in his lap (if he crosses his legs, and you wrap your legs around behind his back, it can be seriously fantastic).

Most of all, try not to put so much pressure on yourself. Sometime when you're alone, try fantasizing about what being on top would be like if you were super confident and having a great time… then try doing some of the things you imagine. And I really hope some of this helps out!

Much thanks to Carnivalesq and Heiko for their assistance on this one!

Shoes come in different sizes too…

Q: I've only ahd sex with one guy in my life before my current boyfriend and i feel like a giant hole when he inserts. He's not small at all but neither was the guy before him but it makes me very uncomfortable to have sex with him more than once a week because of that. But i guess my question is if vagina is molded? I know it stretches but it confuses me if it's only one guy before him? Can he tell the difference? Does it have to do with my age? Or my weight or if my vagina is fat in the first place. Could you please help me out here?

The very first ever post on this site was about penis size … and for the most part, the same advice and information goes for vaginas too. There's no such thing as a "fat" or "molded" vagina, any more than a guy can make himself bigger by pulling harder when he jerks off. Different women come in different sizes, inside and out. Some girls have bigger vaginas than others, just like some guys have bigger penises than others. Also, if your boyfriend wants to have sex with you more than once a week, it's a good bet he's not bothered by the size of your vagina!

Best of all, vaginas have one MAJOR advantage over penises in the size department: We can improve our muscle tone with Kegel exercises, so our vaginas can squeeze down harder, and feel "tighter" while we're squeezing. (Another bonus of Kegels: Well-toned pelvic floor muscles make orgasms better for you too!) Also, your vagina actually changes during different times of the month! Most women tend to be wetter and looser while they're ovulating, and tighter (but with less lubrication) right after their period.

So, I have two pieces of advice for you: 1. Don't worry about it! You are the size you are, and if it doesn't bother your boyfriend during sex, why let it bother you? (BUT!!! If you ever DO have a boyfriend who complains about your size, just tell him it's not your fault he has a small penis and dump his ungrateful ass!) 2. Start doing Kegel exercises. Every woman benefits from keeping herself in shape, inside and out! Kegels are really simple to do, and you can do them any time, anywhere. To learn how to do them, try this next time you go pee: squeeze like you're trying to "hold it in", and see if you can stop the flow of urine. That's it!

If you have some money to spend, you could even buy a Kegel exercise toy like Fun Factory's SmartBalls. You put them in like a big tampon, and your muscles work to hold the balls in, auto-magically toning your PC (pelvic floor) muscles while you wear them! They make exercising your PC muscles a little more fun, but vaginal balls definitely aren't required to get the benefits of doing Kegels.

How to taste good? Take a shower & relax.

Q: My boyfriend keeps hinting at giving me head (I'm female) but there r a few things I'm wary about.. such and smell and taste! I dont think i smell and I dont know how I'm supposed to taste but I dont want to taste bad and drive him off because I want this too :-) Is there any way to know what to look for as far as what he'll enjoy too? Or any way to change my taste naturally? (without gels or etc.) I've heard rumors that you can eat more of fruits and such that will make your "cum" (for lack of better words) taste better. I enjoy giving him head and I want it to be the same for him!!

woman eating a strawberry
I can't help but wonder if your boyfriend fretted for days over how he was going to taste before he let you give him a blow job, Anonymous? ;-) I'm betting he probably didn't. And there's no reason for you to worry either!

Every woman tastes different, so there's not one "way" you're supposed to taste. Not to mention, if your boyfriend is turned on by the idea of going down, odds are he'll be turned on by the way you taste and smell down there too!

I'm sure eating lots of strawberries and drinking plenty of water probably influences your taste the same way it does for a man (yes, eating strawberries for a few days DOES make semen taste better!), but as long as you don't have any STIs or infections and you wash regularly, there shouldn't be any problem. You could skip the asparagus & cabbage that week, and hope it makes a difference, but I'm sure you'll be fine no matter what you eat as long as you're sensible enough to put on clean underwear every day. ;-)

Pleasurists #39 … Yow!

via yimmyayo

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #38? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #40? Submit it here before Sunday August 2nd at 11:59pm PDT. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

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Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

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The Boss Lady Takes Charge…

No, it's not a Domina/submissive porn review, it's Babeland's exclusive Fun Factory vibe, the Boss Lady!

Fun Factory g-spot Boss Lady Vibe
My last excursion with a Fun Factory toy was their delectable Delight Vibe, so when I got the opportunity to take another of their products out for a test-drive, courtesy of, I sure wasn't going to pass it up!

I wavered back and forth between Fun Factory's ribbed G Twist, with their standard dial control at the base, in subdued, fairly dignified colors, and Babeland's exclusive Boss Lady, which came with Delight-esque push button controls and an intriguing "power booster" button their standard models lack. Problem? It's ZOMGWTFPWNBBQ HOT PINK. I kind of despise pink. But in the battle of Pink vs. Power Booster, the turbo button won out, and I soon found myself fondling the radioactive pink silicone Boss Lady while waiting for my AAA batteries to charge.

Appearance & Construction Like I said, the Boss Lady is PINK. I mean, the photo here doesn't do it justice. If I didn't know better, I'd say it was some kind of solidified alien ectoplasm. It's HOLY CRAP EYE-MELTING PINK. And the most amazing thing about it is that this little powerhouse actually made me forget about the color. Or at least not mind the color so much, because it's not a color you can really forget. Seriously.

Moving on past the color, which is surprisingly easy to do, the Boss Lady is made of the absolutely bestest vibrator silicone EVER. You may think that's an exaggeration, like my description of the color perhaps, but really it's not. Feeling up the silicone was almost enough to make me forgive the color before I even turned it on. This vibe feels downright scrumptious. It's velvety and squeezable, but still firm enough to be eminently functional.

I've heard stories about Fun Factory vibrators having difficult battery compartments, and I don't know if their usual dial-control design is harder to operate than the Boss Lady, but I had no problems with the battery compartment whatsoever. While it is true that the plastic bottom end of the vibe feels like the cheapest part, construction-wise, it's certainly nothing that interferes with the function or detracts overly from the form.

Function & Features Again, like it's distant cousin the Delight, the Boss Lady comes with multiple increasingly-intense steady vibration settings, and three pulsing vibration patterns. And holy crap does it vibrate. I've never used a stand-alone insertable vibe that put out the kind of sensation this one does. I don't know how much of that is due to Fun Factory's actual motor design, and how much is down to the vibration-transmitting qualities of their irresistable silicone, but wowzers.

When I had it turned up to maximum power, I didn't think the power booster button would even be noticeable, and it maybe isn't enough of an intensity boost to really tip you over the edge if the regular settings aren't enough, but it does make for a nice little bit of variety on top of the built-in settings.

One thing to keep in mind before investing in your own Boss Lady though is the size. She's a big-un in the world of insertable vibes. At almost 7 inches insertable length and 1 3/5 in. diameter, the Boss Lady pretty much demands lube for all but the most accomodating users. Some women may find the size is too much to handle enjoyably, so do consider whether you like girthy toys before shelling out for this one. I personally considered the size an enjoyable bonus. No complaints here!

Oh, and did I mention the noise??? I think this toy has the hands-down best power-to-noise ratio of any vibrator I've ever tried. Seriously, there is no noise to complain about. I mean, of course there's a leetle buzzing, but odds are if you like it half as much as I did, you'll be making enough noise to drown the Boss Lady out!

Technique & Conclusion This vibe is designed to stimulate your g-spot, along with everything else at the same time. Unlike a lot of g-spotting toys with narrow shafts and specially angled bulbs designed to create localized g-spot stimulation, the Boss Lady's girth means everything it touches definitely feels the effect. The curved shaft and pronounced ridge along the top of the head do give the g-spot noticeable extra stimulation, but I found the vibrations near the base were so strong I could even feel the buzzing in my clit!

What probably surprised me most about this toy though, is the fact that it's also one of the best clit vibes I own. I mean, it's obviously designed primarily for insertion, but the way Fun Factory's luscious silicone transmits vibration while still being soft enough to push against without discomfort is just unbelievable … Hey, Fun Factory, if you're listening, you seriously need to make a pocket-rocket sized clit vibe with a generous bulb of this silicone on the end. I will buy it IMMEDIATELY.

While I have yet to achieve my ultimate toy goal of a mind-blowing, squirting, no-clit-vibe-needed g-spot orgasm, I will say the Boss Lady easily achieved at least mind-blowing status when accompanied right at the end by a little bit of Pocket Rocket action. This automatically elevates this toy above almost all my others, as well as a goodly percentage of my past human partners. *ahem*

Ladies, if you can get past the color (and you won't know until you see it in person, because digital imaging can not yet replicate this particular shade of pink), and you like your vibes on the larger side, I feel entirely comfortable giving the Boss Lady two thumbs up. And ten curled toes to boot.